Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Close the door, lock it up and throw away the key

       So it's 2018. I am thankful I have lived another year. I am also thankful I made it through this past year. Last year was not a good year in many ways. It was a year of disappointment, troubles, trials, challenges, people hurting the heart,  disasters and a few big pits that my feet found the bottom of. So good riddance, close the door, lock it up and throw away the key.  There are hours, days, years and yes sometimes decades that feel that way.  One prays, plans and then punts. One sees God moving, jumps on the bandwagon and find there are 3 flat tires and the good tire just went rolling down the road ahead of you. 
We don't intentionally start out the year hoping for better than failure but for many of us, we figure - bring it on, it can't get any worse. And then, of course, Murphy's law sets in; it can get worse and it does!
       So what does one do when the ones slashing at your tires are the very leaders you are suppose to respect and be inspired by? What does one do when the dark clouds aren't getting lighter and just bring on thunder and lightning? The very umbrella that is supposed to protect us is the lightning rod that keeps zapping us and sending us three feet in the air with our hair sticking out in all directions. And then someone, someone wiser, older and so much more spiritual says those words, "Calm down; it's not that bad". Of course lighting isn't bad when you are in the house. Tornado's aren't bad when you are in the middle of winter; they don't exist. Hurricanes look pretty harmless for us here in Minnesota, but when you are in the middle of stuff flying around you; it's petrifying.
      Somehow the Christian faith doesn't do a good job at holding hands and seeing where fingers have been slammed in doors.  Apparently the compassion for those who are struggling is missing; missing that is until you have been upside down after being caught in a noose hidden in the grass. Then you get it; compassion from a heart that has felt pain comforts much deeper than those who simply laugh their way through life.
David felt that  way . Psalm 13..."How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;
Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved."
I have a feeling David was swinging upside down by one leg about the time he wrote that.  It was almost a "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I'll go eat worms" moment.  Except- it was during the dry season.... and the worms were too deep to dig up.
     We don't often put ourselves in others shoes. We don't reconcile the hurt in people's eye and put ourselves in their winter coat and feel the cold. It's inconvenient and we are comfortable where we are at so we just pray for them  or rather pray at them and walk away. 
So as much of last year being one I don't care to live over again, there were some redeeming qualities that God let brighten the heart. I love those moments. It's the rest of the story, or rather the rest of Chapter 13 in Psalms.  "5 But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.
6 I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me."
Several of us sat, basically speechless as someone shared their testimony at small group. I did ok until the very end when the sobs came from her heart and she explained had she never lived with us, she would have never seen God come to life. 
I stood in the hospital and held the hand of a dear friend; at that moment, her being alive and with us was the best breathe of fresh air one could ever inhale.
I held a young man, curly hair and giggles and got lots of kisses.  I shook hands of total strangers who told me, my son was the cats meow. Well, they didn't say it quite that way, but they loved my child. That's a boost of Adrenalin to any parent. I got the phone call that said the kid from grad school had a job offer; with money! With benefits! YES!
I looked into the eyes of a young man who was asking, "will you?" and said "yes" and no I am not getting married again....
So what do I choose to do with 2018? Close the door, lock it up and throw away the key but I will also look back through the window in the door and be reminded that I didn't make it through a year of challenges without a God sized hand guiding me. I didn't come out still breathing without the Holy Spirit calmly making sure I didn't go over the edge.. I just wish that the edge wasn't so close sometimes.  I will look back at my journal and think, "why didn't you say that God" when I see the chapter actually does lead somewhere awesome and it has some exciting thrills and curves to it's journey. 
I don't think I am the only one who was breathing deeply when we pulled the calendar off the wall and put the new one up. And I won't be the only one to say, "Hope we don't have to go through that again." but I will start the year with the the end of the verse... "I will sing".  The one thing I could count on this year to keep me going was Cowboy Church twice a month.  A time when worship was down to earth, music was a jam session and for an hour or so, life was very good. I could get lost in Rowdy's stories and almost be in Matagorda, Texas driving cattle.  I could pick up the fiddle and find a harmony and let the ole sweet hymns talk to the heart.  For you see music has a way of taking away the fears and realities of life and transporting us into a different heart level. Music, even with no words, makes the spirit soar and the mind soothed.  Music is easily remembered and quickly soaked into the troubled world and brings peace where there was a hollow spot. Music does that..
And David knew that oh so well.